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BC changes grizzly hunt to save endangered species
VICTORIA •
BC Minister of Earth, Wind and Fire, Joyce Murray, has pledged that she will make changes to the restarted grizzly hunt to ensure the preservation of newly endangered grizzly hunters. Murray made the surprise announcement at this weekend's ribbon-shooting ceremony to mark the BC Liberals' lifting of the grizzly hunting moratorium.
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Daywatch makes triumphant return to Ottawa
OTTAWA - Buffeted by the swirling winds of party discontent and a firestorm of criticism over his handling of a defamation suit, Stockwell Daywatch returned to Ottawa like a prodigal son. He insisted that the naysayers would soon see the light as he baptized the federal government's new legislative session in faithful fashion.
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Life in Canada overrated say business leaders
BAY STREET - Life in Canada is superfluous according to a comprehensive survey of Canada's corporate crème de la crème. The new poll, which was conducted by the Business Church of Self-Interest (BCSI), found that Canada's leading CEOs felt that the Canadian population was at best revenue neutral and may even be damaging our economic potential. full story
Poor pulling Canada down the drain
VANCOUVER - Findings in a new Phaser Institute study suggest it might be time to stop feeling sorry for the poor and start getting angry at them. The report claims that the underclass are not only responsible for creating the country's crushing debt, they are also dragging down the average standard of living of each and every Canadian. full story
Canadian pundits parrot perverse post-electoral platitudes
OTTAWA - If you thought that Gore's inevitable and abject capitulation would make the political-pundit-infested television airwaves safe from navel-gazing, left-wing conspiracy theorists, you'd be wrong. The election nightmare sleep-walking South of the border for the last month may have been finally laid to rest, but our own gangs of whining extreme-left kooks are still fighting Canada's long-dead federal contest.
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Alliance platform was a cut above the rest
BAY STREET - The Canadian Alliance platform received a key endorsement from the Business Church of Self-Interest (BCSI), the country's most important business group. BCSI president, Thomas Accutto said his group had analysed the economic impact of all five party platforms and "we came to the conclusion that the Alliance platform, 'Time for a Chainsaw,' is not only economically sound, but is clearly a cut above the rest." full story
Daywatch: Coming to a Canadian beach near you
WINNIPEG - Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Global TV is moving Baywatch, once one of the most popular television shows in the world, to Malibu North.
Eager to show its born-again faith in Canadian content as it tries to steer the biggest media merger in the country's history through regulatory approval, Global has repackaged the Baywatch concept as the all-Canadian Daywatch. They have already launched a Daywatch webtoon at www.daywatch2000.com. full story
Then there were six - Survivor gets down and dirty
BAY STREET - Industry insiders and ego-arbitragers were expecting excitement and cutthroat competition from the CEO castaways on Survivor - Canadian Media Mogul Edition, but no one expected the blood to flow so freely and quickly. With the world-class nastiness and dynamic double-dealing on display, convergence could become a medal sport for the next olympics.
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Ontario Premier declares war on poverty
QUEENS PARK - Faced by evidence that the poor are a growing problem in Ontario, a chastened Premier Mike Harris admitted that his government's approach has failed and pledged to do everything in his power to eradicate poverty.
Premier Harris said that he personally believes it is "unacceptable in a province as wealthy and successful as Ontario to have such miserable and visible levels of poverty." full story
Lard Black to receive rightful peerage
LONDON - Conrad Black's painful "always a brides-mogul never a bride" wait for his stymied lardship is finally over. Black's name has again been put forward on a Queen's Honors List and the Prime Minister's Office has officially announced that Canada will not oppose his richly deserved reward. Plain, milquetoast Conrad Black will soon be to the manor reborn as Lord Blackheart of Freedonia. full story
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